Letting His Spirit take the lead

This week has been filled with so many questions for me, it has been crazy!!! I have seriously been lost in trying to discover exactly what God wants me to do with myself. The other night, I was so overwhelmed with thoughts that I simply had to stop all I was doing, go over to my bed, and literally just sit there against my pillows, doing nothing but thinking and talking to God. For a moment it felt like I was losing my mind because so many questions were going through my mind that I didn't know where to stop, where to go, what to do...it got to the point where my body even grew tired from all the thinking. It was like my thoughts were draining the life out of me. As I sat there and massaged my temples, and spoke to God all that was flying through my mind, I grew so weary that I just fell asleep right there in the position I was on my bed. It was weird. It was close to 6 pm and I fell asleep while thinking....

So what exactly is it that is going on in this head of mine? Well, let's just say that I am on a quest to discover what God wants me to do with my life, on a journey to find out His will for me, and stuck in a place where I do not know which step to take next because I am waiting on God to lead the way. This is a difficult place to be, because as a human, I want to know everything and not knowing what is next makes me anxious and often even upsets me. However, as God's word states, can I add even a single day to my life by worrying? Nope. So I try not to worry, but that is definitely easier said than done.

Now, I have been seeking God's counsel for a bit....simply praying everyday for Him to reveal to me what my next step should be, clarifying and confusion I might have, and working with me so that I might complete His will for my life. In seeking this direction, God has used many ways to communicate with me. He has been bringing people into my life that have encouraged me, lifted me up, helped me pray, and impacted me in some way or another. He has also worked through my circumstances to open doors He wants to open and close doors He wants to close. But the way He has most recently spoken to me is through His teachings, both through my Pastor's teachings on the word, as well as the written word I read on my own.

With the many questions I have had, have also come answers....slowly, one at a time. I have been feeling the Holy Spirit leading me in a new direction that I have to admit I am a bit afraid to take the leap into. However, I know that in the past, when God has placed an idea in my heart and I have obediently taken action to make that idea happen, He has blessed that idea and shown His glory through it. Whenever this has happened, it has always been scary at first, but then looking at the end result, I smile and look towards the sky knowing that what was done was only by God's grace and mercy. This has a lot to do with depending on Him. When we feel incapable of doing something, we feel helpless, worthless, useless.....incapable of taking on the challenge on our own because of our personal lack of confidence in ourselves. Yet, if we decide to take a leap of faith and take action to do what the Spirit is leading us to do, we should look at that as our growing dependence on God, because on our own, there is no way we will ever be able to accomplish any God inspired task, but with His help, nothing is impossible!

One other problem with me is that I am a quite the Gideon. I am a doubter til the end. There is just something in me that always has so many questions for God. These questions often hinder me from accomplishing my task, and then I just end up really being useless, and feeling terrible for disobeying God. Now, I am not one to disobey God, in fact, I am usually very obedient to His tugging....but every so often, when it is something that just seems so much bigger than me, I get anxious, and overwhelemed, and just can't imagine how I could ever do such a thing. But, once again, God spoke to me.

I was stressed out the other night about all that was on my mind, asking God to please give me some answers, when BAM......there it was..truth being spoken into my life. I was reading the book of James when I stumbled across chapter 2, which speaks about having faith and completing our faith by what we do. The example used is that of Abraham..."he was trusting God so much that he was willing to do whatever God told him to do. His faith was made complete by what he did--by his actions" James 2: 22. Ok, so the first thing God was teaching me is that yes, at times He is going to put things in our hearts that we are going to have to take a risk in order to accomplish, but the fact of the matter is, that by completing what He is asking us to do, our faith is made complete, not the other way around. Many people go about stating that our faith causes us to take certain actions. This is true to a certain extent, but more so, the actions we take represent our faith because unless we take the leap, we are not living by faith. Confused yet? hah! Translation: when God tells us to do something, if we do that something, then our faith is made whole because we believed and trusted in God enough to take the risky step in the first place. It's quite an amazing concept.

Further on, God spoke even more truth. "Look here, you people who say, 'Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there for a year. We will do business there and make a profit.' How do you know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone. What you ought to say is, 'If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.' Otherwise you will be boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil. Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." James 4:13-17. So here I was, trying to figure out what I need to do....thinking about tomorrow. Yet, God was telling me, don't think about tomorrow, instead think and live based off of God's will for each day. In this way I will be living in His plans not my own. And to top things off, He makes me aware that it is a sin to know what I should do and not do it!!!! I cried when I read that because so often we think of sin as the average stuff like lying, stealing, murdering, etc., but here it was stating clearly that sin is also disobeying God and His plan for our lives. Being led by the Spirit to do something and rebelling against Him to the point of not doing what we are being led to do. I don't want to sin against God, therefore, I just need to take a leap of faith and do! Simple as that! So, this is my prayer, for God to help me depend on Him and not be afraid to act off of the Spirit's leading. To trust in Him enough to act so that my faith may be made complete. It is my prayer that God open and close doors as He pleases, guiding me every step of the way, but me also do what He is telling me to do when He tells me to do it. I am tired of being just a Christian, it is time for me to be a true follower of Christ, one who is not afraid to take a leap, and to go into the unknown as long as God is by my side. May everything I do, be for His glory!