Living For Him

God, I'm trusting in You.

This life is so full of emptiness and disaster...it's a life of meaninglessness, where self-indulgence, procrastination, self-pity, apathy, and selfishness rotate under the same sphere. Round and round they go, our lives at the center....with so much revolving about, whom shall we trust in, to whom can we call out to?

Is this life worth anything at all? Can anything we do bring about a sense of satisfaction that cannot compare? No. We are but a grain of sand in this vast ocean. We are but a pin in the middle of the haystack. We give up, we fall down, we devour all that stands before us. Yet, nothing seems to satisfy. Why? Because this life was not created for us to indulge in it for ourselves. Since the beginning of time, the Creator made us with the purpose of glorifying Him above all. Of proclaiming His goodness for all of our days, yet with our perverse actions we have taken this life and tried to make it our own. We have taken control in areas where our control only gets us into trouble. We are at a point where we long to be in control, yet we long for something deeper. Yet, we cannot have both. It is about giving up in sincere sacrifice, about lending our hearts to the one who paid the highest price for them. We may give up on ourselves all the time, yet there is one who looks and sees a potential that shines through like the very rays of light that beam upon this earth. He sees us with eyes of grace...a grace that is unwavering...a love that is unfailing. Is that not enough to continue our path? This journey we call life is not about us. It's about making Him the center of it all. Why do we insist on living in a sphere of condemnation...? When He has so freely offers us an escape...redemption through the blood of the lamb. The highest of all priests, the meekest of all kings, He is the one who deserves all the glory. If we can find nothing else in our lives to be reason enough, then look no more...simply glance into your eye and see the Savior as He stands and reigns so sovereignly over all. He dwells in us the moment we open the door, so why do we insist on looking for Him in so many other places, when in reality, all we have to do is look within to find Him. He is cuddled deep within, He is en-wrapped on every side of us, He is ahead, He is behind, He simply...is. If we could only see how much more beautiful this life is when it is in His hands....there is nothing too big, nothing too serious for Him. He is God, and will be forever more. There is nothing we can hold back from Him, there is nothing He cannot overcome.

"Oh Praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead..." May this be the anthem of our soul, may it be the song of the redeemed....for He is definitely holy, He is worthy, and praise Him for the simple fact that we have Him to turn to in our solitude, in our moments of distress, in our moments of joy...in everything. We are no longer bound by our old sinful nature...

"...the law no longer holds you in its power, because you died to its power when you died with Christ on the cross. And now you are united with the one who was raised from the dead. As a result, you can produce good fruit, that is, good deeds for God. When we were controlled by our old nature, sinful desires were at work within us, and the law aroused these evil desires that produced sinful deeds, resulting in death. But now we have been released from the law, for we died with Christ, and we are no longer captive to its power. Now we can really serve God, not in the old way by obeying the letter of the law, but in the new way, by the Spirit..." Romans 7:4-6

We are free to live a life that means something...because it is Christ living through us, and so we are truly living for Christ...

"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. For the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you through Christ Jesus from the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses could not save us, because of our sinful nature. But God put into effect a different plan to save us. He sent his own Son in a human body like ours, except that ours are sinful. God destroyed sin's control over us by giving us his Son as a sacrifice for our sins" Romans 8:1-3

Jesus paid it all. He gave His life so that we could be free from sin. All He asks of us is for us to give ourselves up entirely to His will. For our hearts to be melted in His glory, for us to depend on Him instead of depend on ourselves...and we know that if we depend on ourselves, what will we ever accomplish...we are nothing without Him. To Him be all the glory....I trust in You Lord.

How can I give God anything less than my all....

Do you ever wonder how much the extent of God's love for us goes....? Well you'd better believe that I have no doubt in my mind that God loves me unconditionally, and more than anything and anyone will ever love me. He is so good to me that I think to myself, how could I ever give God any less than my best, any less that all I have, any less than my entire life and everything in it....

Recently I had been praying for God to do something for me...I have been working part time for a while now and was starting to grow a little worried because the income I was making was just not meeting all of my needs...and although right now I have been making it day by day, I was wondering how I was going to make it when things get tighter and my school bills start coming in....how would I ever progress myself? And not just that, but my biggest concern was the worry that I might have to look for another job, one that is not as flexible, one that is not something I enjoy doing, something that would take up all my time, something that would pull me away from what I love doing the most which is working for God in the ministry He has given me....it was literally killing me inside to even think that I might have to be pulled away from working in the church/ministry because I needed money to survive in this life...but I held on to the truth that is spoken in the word that He knows all of our needs and He is the ultimate provider. That He provides the needs for those who choose to do good in His name, that He will never give us more than we can bear, and that He will always respond on time...I held on to that truth and the promise that He is always with me...and just as expected...He responded...and as if it's not enough that He responded on time, He responded with even more than I expected. So how about today I get a call from my boss telling me to call our organization's director because they are looking for a part time assistant. I call immediately and the first thing I am told is that the job post was just put on craigslist to make it official and already there were like a million replies of people who wanted to apply for the job....what the heck? And then I am told, however, you are the first person we thought of for the job and so if you want it...it's yours! What in the world...so first of all, the job is offered to me, a job that millions would kill to have...and second of all, well that's coming....so then she describes a bit to me explaining that it's assistant stuff that I already have experience with, that she is willing to teach me as much as I want to learn about nonprofit work and admin stuff, which is what I want to gain experience in..and then to top it off that my schedule is flexible to where I can work from home if I like or have an office, as long as I come to a few meetings they have throughout the year and each month....are you kidding me??? Heck yes I am interested...heh...I was almost in shock and overwhelmed with excitement at God's response to me...GOD I LOVE YOU!!! There is just no one who compares to Him. What can I say...all I want to do is serve Him, nothing else....I get left with no other feeling....what a refreshing feeling to have...PRAISE GOD for He is worthy, WORTHY, WORTHYYYY!!!!

Letting Go...

At times it is so difficult to be there for those you love...it's not that you don't want to be there for them, it's simply that you may not be the correct, or indicated person to be there for them in a particular circumstance. But it is so hard to let go...so many times we see our struggles of letting go as something that we so desperately need for ourselves...we don't want to let go of those selfish, self-absorbed things that overpower and crowd our lives because in one way or another they make us believe that we are fulfilled and satisfied by them, and yea it's hard to let those things go, but at the same time, we know we need to let them go, and so we come before the cross, at the feet of Christ and we lay those things down in hope, surrender, and utter brokeness...asking God to take away that shame, to take away the things that are keeping us from fully receiving His grace...but what about the things that we sometimes need to let go that are important to us for different reasons--for example...what if we have a friend who has become dependent...a friend who has issues that you may have the answer to, you may have a solution to, you may want to help pull them towards, or push them away from...perhaps it is a circumstance that you know there is an alternative route to...however, for one reason or another, it is not your battle and the things you see so clearly, often remain obscure for that person. So what about letting go of that? Letting God take that into complete control? It almost seems harder to me at this point...it's like I know that I can trust that God will take care of everything, but at the same time I want to stick my big toe into it because maybe it's not just my friend who has become dependent on me, or those of us who love him, but maybe it's us who have also become dependent on helping others get out of their ditches, when in reality they needed to learn how to get out of that ditch alone. Is it that God is testing us to see how far we will make it? Is it that God tries our patience to see if we will wait on Him and His timing? Is is that God is trying to show us something deeper than what our minds can grasp blindly...perhaps we need divine revelation, inspiration...what is it? Only God knows....and when those times comes all we can really do is rely on Him in the utmost way. Because after all He is God. Who can go against Him, who will win without Him, who will overcome if not He??? He is the only one who can get us from point a to point b safely...He is the only one who we will one day stand before and be judged by...He is the source of life, and the one who can take life away...He is the one whom all creation obeys...He is God...and I wonder...do we really know Him? Do we understand the depth of His being and His relation to us as His children? It is at times like these that I feel that we lack so much understanding...and then my prayer becomes, Lord provide me with your wisdom, because otherwise I am lost...I am so desperately lost without you! I want understanding above all...and He as my King, and my Lord, is the only one who can provide me that knowledge, wisdom, understanding, and He is the only one who will help me make it through each day, and not only me but those who I am on my knees battling for as well. This life is surrounded by an ongoing war, and this war...boy oh boy, we have no idea how serious it is...it is so much more than what our bare eyes can see...there are principalities and demonic forces out there that are waging for our souls, yet Christ is the victor at the end of this story...there is no denying that! He is victorious, and we all know how this will end one day. And on that day, you'd better believe that I am going to be on the right side, the side of my Savior Jesus Christ. It feels so good to have the understanding that I am on His side and He is on mine. That I am not in this war alone...in fact, I am covered with the precious blood that paid the price in full for me. I have nothing to fear, I have nothing to run away from, I belong to Him, I am His, and He will guard me, He will protect me, and He will be my justice overall. If He is for us, who can be against us.

I'm alive and I'm free....

From celebration to frustration....

Yesterday I celebrated my 25th birthday...I like to call it my Silver year! It was a great day....I really enjoyed myself and the company around me! However, along with great times, also comes sadness and stress.....I am sooooo sad to be leaving the Burg after almost 4 years of calling it home. All that I love is here, but, I gotta do what I gotta do. Now the stressful part comes from the whole move itself. Gosh, why do I have so much stuff??? It has become somewhat of a hell hole this whole finding movers, deciding what to take and what to leave, trying to sell the stuff I am leaving, figuring out how I am going to fit all I want to take back with me.....eh!!! I think if I had someone to help me out a little would help a lot! But the sad fact is, I have no one. Until my parentals come out here in about a week and a half, it's me, myself, and I. Tough, tough! I hate moving to begin with, so my stress level increases daily as I think about it more and more. I have been procrastinating too, partly because I am in denial that I am leaving for real, and partly because I just don't feel like doing anything. So unproductive....not me at all...with that said, I think what I really, really need, is a whole lot of prayer! Desperately need to be covered with prayer right now so I don't flip out at every little thing. I need patience and serenity, peace, understanding, and wisdom. Thanks for your prayers...I need them.

Gratefulness.....

Can I just say that God is amazing.....

As if it is not enough....all that God is doing in my own life....He tops it all off with everything He is doing in the lives of my friends and the people around me. How beautiful it is to send up a prayer to my Father and receive and answer to that very prayer before I even knew it. I love how God is so faithful to us regardless of our failures.

This past week I have been noticing how God responds to me in everything. In all, through all, with all, He is there. He is moving in my life like never before. The things that seem to disturb my heart, and the things that I openly share with God, He listens so intently. He leans over and just listens to everything I have to say and His heart is moved by the things that move me. The beautiful thing about this relationship is that the closer I get to Him, the more my heart moves for the things that move His heart as well. It's a mutual relationship whose roots grow deeper each day....that stirs me more every living moment....that overwhelms me with how magnanimous it is. I am so in love. And yes, at times it feels like that love might not be there, at times it feels less than other times, but like any love, it is there no matter what, it just takes trust and work in those times when it feels like it is gone. I am just glad that He loves me enough to show me in those times when I feel alone, when I feel down, when I feel like I am not worth a dime..that He is still there, that He loves me more the same as ever and will always be by my side. What a beautiful feeling, to feel so secure, so safe in the arms of my Redeemer. There are no words to describe how I feel.

I am just grateful, thankful, feeling blessed that in even the smallest of things He is there, He is responding. Thank you Lord for what you are doing and what you will do!

Left speechless

So as I sit here in bed, just finished up some reading, I can't help but share about a blow-my-mind moment.....I was reading in the book of Exodus....specifically Exodus 34:14 where God was telling Moses on the mountain all that he was to share with the people of Israel....and in the midst of everything God is telling Moses to say he states this:

"You must worship no other gods, but only the Lord, for he is a God who is passionate about his relationship with you."

Wow.......how more real do we want it to be? How much greater of a God could we ask for? How much more love can we require from the one who not only created us but also has the power to squish us like a bug if He really wanted to? Yet, here He is, stating about Himself that he is the God who is passionate about a relationship with us. When one is passionate about something, it means that the feelings and emotions one contains within the deepest part of the self are so overwhelming that they cannot be held back...the emotions are just too intense, too dominating, to the point that they must be expressed. That is a pretty strong feeling to have, in fact, I would argue to say that it is one of the strongest feelings a person could experience. Passion is what drives people to do things, it's what causes people to fall in love and strive to live a life together, it causes people who have a dream or goal to push in order to attain it in life, it causes people who are disturbed by something wrong in the world to take action to change that wrong....passion leads people to make the ultimate sacrifice! And this is what God is saying He has for us, He is passionate about His relationship with us! How amazing is that????! I may seem like a nobody in this world, but the fact is, I am someone enough that God is passionate about me as the individual that I am. I know it's hard to fit a truth like this into the mind at times, because it's just soooo mind-blowing, but just repeat it over and over to yourself, that God....the God of the Universe, the God of the Bible, the one who was so passionate about you and me that He came down to earth in human form and gave His life so that we may live....this is the same God of this verse...the one who is crazy about us and wants to be all about us. To think that litte ol' me, just another gal in this ginormous universe.....God is passionate about His relationship with me...and there is nothing that will ever change that.....hehe.....I'm speechless...

Open your eyes

Isn’t it funny that when we sincerely give ourselves over to God He is so quick to respond…and I think it’s even funnier that sometimes when we are asking God to use us, to put us into action, we are often expecting something huge to happen, but then we feel let down because it seems that nothing big is really happening; however, what we are failing to see is that the simplest of things can often be the very huge thing we have been waiting for. Why is it that we think these huge things that are coming our way have to be in the form of being called to Africa, or giving all our money away to the poor, or taking a bullet for someone in order to save them….? When in reality, before God’s eyes, every little thing that is done in His name is a big deal, is worthwhile, is major! Over this past week, one of the things I am learning over and over is to appreciate the little things. To learn to see with God’s eyes, and feel with His heart. I have been asking God to do what He pleases, to put me into action, to send me out, to give my life purpose….and finally, I am beginning to see it the way He sees it. I ask, and He giveth….but it’s up to me to recognize that all these little things happening around me are His doing. For example, I have been praying a lot for different people, some that I know personally, some that I care for deeply, some that I vaguely know, and others who I can’t really say I know, yet for some reason or another, I pray for them. At times I am not even really sure what I am praying particularly for, but I do anyways. Well, little do we know that these are the stirrings of the Holy Spirit in us. He knows why. He knows exactly what is going on. His heart is beating for that very person as well. And we, well we are the tools He uses to do something. We are His hands, His feet, His embrace, His resources on this earth. Is it coincidence that after asking God to put my life into action this week, I have been getting calls left and right asking for prayer for specific things? Is it coincidence that people I have not talked to in a while are contacting me and telling me random things about what they are currently struggling? Is it coincidence that people who are hurting around me are reaching out to me for an ear or an embrace? No. This is all part of the very thing I have been asking God for. Do you want to be used? Are you asking God to make your life fuller? Are you looking to live a more purpose-filled life? Well then look around you and begin to notice the many things you are already involved in. Look to your sides, front and back and recognize the people in need, pray for them, reach out to them, be there for them, even if it’s just a “Hey I just want you to know I am praying for you, or you’ve been on my mind lately and I just want you to know you’re awesome!” Is it so hard to live this out? Is it so wrong to play these things up as if they were huge occurrences happening in the world? No, because they are huge occurrences, they are God worthy, which means they are worthy of our joy, excitement, and time as well. So go ahead, ask Him to open your eyes wide….you’ll see what I’m talking about.