Lead me...

God's mercies are new everyday....

What can I say....I am so moved by Him!

This past week was an interesting one being that the days seemed to be dragging me along...or perhaps I was dragging them along...I don't even really know where to start...

Perhaps I can start off by saying that I have been so stressed out with just everything in my life...I was feeling overwhelmed...like the load of things I had over me was just never-ending, and I couldn't seem to find an escape...I was aware that something was wrong, but didn't know which avenue to turn too to release. Of course I knew I had God, and that He was right there by my side, but at the same time...it's almost like I was complacent to the fact that I was sort of stuck and unable to get out of my current state. I was oblivious to the fact that I was getting drowned in a hole of nothingness, becoming more and more open to the temptations around me that were just waiting for me to take one wrong step to fall right into a pit of darkness. However, God is good...and He loves me so much that He is always one step ahead of me and my situation.

I had slowly been trying to relax and become less consumed with the things surrounding me. However, little things here and there would press on me to give up or give in. I can't even explain what or how or where or when, but the truth is that I was getting buried alive. I was being drenched with feelings of inadequacy, of unworthiness, of loneliness, and so much more. Everywhere I turned I could not seem to get past my state of blah. I would read my bible, but my mind would remain in the same place, I would pray, but my heart would not budge enough. I wanted to cry, but the tears would not come out, I would talk and help others, while my own soul was lavishing in anguish. And then to top things off, I became dependent. But dependent of the wrong things.

This past weekend, I was so excited to get to go to Santa Cruz and get away from it all...it was nice for a moment, but then I came back to reality, and the dream came crashing down again...where had I come....? And how did I get so far from the satisfaction and joy that God provides me with? I have no idea...but the enemy is good at figuring out those weaknesses in us...he knows which button to push to destroy you slowly and surely...

So I come back...and it was most noticable to those who really know me...ie...my parents...they could sense that something was wrong...I looked burdened, weighed down, tired....then I had a concert...Starfield to be exact...my favorite worship band...I was excited to be able to go and get refreshed through worship with them along with my dear friends who are always there to enjoy with me...except, there were no friends...all those whom I was counting on...failed me...as people will always do in this life...it's not there fault, and I have nothing against them for that...but the thing is that I became dependent on them...and hadn't even realized it. So off I went to this concert...but no longer as enthusiastic as I wanted to be...suddenly I realized how I was acting..and said a quick prayer asking God to help me to allow myself to enjoy this instead of bask in the negatives. After all I am an optimist...why couldn't I see the good in this solitude?? I just couldn't seem to get past the fact that no one was able to support me and come with me to this thing I wanted to enjoy so bad...but God is good...even as my attitude remained in its state of despise...He slowly began to work as my spirit who was still connected to Him allowed Him to. He began to scrape away the feelings I had...the music began...I held back my worship...but then, Tim, the lead singer stopped for a moment and said a prayer that was so simple, yet so profound to me...which spoke about letting go...just releasing yourself in Him, letting Him refresh you with His living water, from that fountain of life that never ends...at that moment, I could no longer hold back the praise and adoration my heart was desiring to release. I began to worship in spirit and in truth, and man...did He give me of that water. Every song was a blessing, and talking to them at the end was great.

So I leave the concert feeling good, only for another blow to occur haha....oh devil...aren't you astute....or so you think...

I somehow got lost...but the thing is I got lost on a road I know like the back of my palm...that was it...I was beginning to fall apart again...but this time my mind and heart were in line with Him...so I simply said "Ok, I give up...but not on myself, or on this life....I give up on my authority over myself...what do you want from me, what do you want of me..with me?? I'm here....and I'm lost, I don't know where I'm going, and I'm scared...but I give up...you lead the way..."

Wow....even reading over what I just wrote...I am seeing the depth of the words I spoke...so much more than just speaking about my physical condition of being lost...I was lost inside...and I didn't know how I got there...then this song came on...

"Something to Say" by Starfield

I've got something to say
It's been one of those days
When I'm finding it hard to believe in You

I've got something to say
I've forgotten how to pray
And I'm finding it hard to believe the truth

I've got something to say
Right now it feels like You are slipping away
Like I am drowning in a crisis of faith
Like I'm alone

I've got something to say
What was black and white is gray
And I'm finding it hard to believe in You

I've got something to say
Right now it feels like You are slipping away
Like I am drowning in a crisis of faith
Like I'm alone

And faith might mean there won't be answers
And hope might mean enduring through the night
But help me not forget in darkness
The things that I believed in light

I've got something to say
Right now it feels like You are slipping away
Like I am drowning in a crisis of faith
Like I was found, but now I'm lost in the fray

I've got something to say
It's been one of those days
When I'm finding it hard to believe in You

As I listened to the song...I was weaving around roads...trying to find my way out...I wanted to cry so much...but it's as if I was still holding something back...yup..it was my belief that He would respond....and as my heart thought that thought...I got a text message from one of my cousins in Guatemala that said this:
10:38 pm from Likia Alay
"Feliz noche nena mañana t espera un dia especial y una nueva misericordia d Dios esta preparada para ti."

This means: Good night baby girl, tomorrow awaits a special day for you and new mercies from God are prepared for you.

I began to weep...tears were streaming down my cheeks...I couldn't contain myself...I felt so moved at His loving response to my doubtful heart...I began to tell Him how much I did love Him and to forgive me for my unresponsiveness, to forgive me for my doubt, for my lack of faith, for my uncertainty in Him...for everything...because I know how much He cares for me, and that I have nothing to worry about...I couldn't seem to find the right words to speak...then this song followed...

"Absolutely" by Starfield

Lover of my soul
I want to tell you
Only you have all of me
I cannot contain my adoration
I'm in love so desperately

No one is as lovely as you are
There is no one else who has my heart

Jesus you have me completely
Every breath I breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus I am yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with you

Down upon my knees
I'm lost in worship
Humbled by your majesty
What is there to say
But how I love you
Thank you for forgiving me

No one is as lovely as you are
There is no one else who has my heart

Jesus you have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus I am yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with you

All I am is yours (all I am is yours)
Only yours

Jesus you have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus I am yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love
Jesus you have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love with you
In love with you

There it was...everything I wanted to say...in that song...wow...yup...I was changed

So the next day came and let's just say the overflow of God's goodness has not stopped since...I am so overjoyed at the mercies He is showing me, I cannot keep quiet about it...I just want to tell the world...and I am so ready to just do anything and everything for Him...I am ready for Him to take me new places, to take me higher, to make my dreams realities, to show me great and mighty things, to use me however He wants, because I am totally, completely, and absolutely in love with Him and ready to do whatever it takes to accomplish the plans He has for my life. I don't know where He is taking me, or the things He has drawn out for me, but what I do know, is that this week is only the beginning...and I am so excited to be completely and utterly dependent on Him and Him alone...I am ready...Lord lead me!

Living today

The way God moves always leaves me astonished...I mean to even try to understand Him, His ways, His actions...it's almost impossible for my simple, human mind. I mean I sit here day in and day out...my life goes by...the days go by...time goes by...yet it seems that each day I learn something new. Each day my eyes are opened up even more to the amazingness of my heavenly Father. He leaves me in awe in ways I cannot describe. He takes my breath away with even the simplest of things.

It is amazing and impressive to me to see how God connects us with people sometimes in ways we cannot fully explain. But there is always a reason He does so. Whether we can see that now or not is not the point. The point is, that if He has connected you to particular people, there is some deep embedded meaning behind that, and if you are clueless as to why, then it's time to start talking more with The Boss to make sure you do the part your are called to play right.

Who ever shows up to a play without their lines, or without knowledge of the play itself? Who ever shows up to a concert to play without their instrument?? We've got to always be prepared to do the work He has set up for us.

Recently I have been noticing that God is doing amazing things in my church. Not only in the body of adults, but also among the young people there. How long have I, my youth pastor and God only knows so many others have been praying for this....I lost count...but the reality that God answered our prayers just in time....timeless....priceless...

In one single night at our Church Family Camp...God answered several of my prayers in a row...did I get blown away? Boy did I...let's just say that my heart and soul were so full of joy that the representation of that joy outwardly expressed came out in what looked like an exercise preparation class for the next Olympics. I could not hold in any longer the joy I was feeling. I could not stand still...all I wanted to do was dance, jump, run, reach...right up to my Father's throne to show Him how grateful I was...to show Him how happy and amazed I was. And this joy...as much as the enemy tries to take it away...I am fighting for it, because it is a gift that my Father gave to me, a gift that no one should be able to take away, unless I let them.

Where is my life headed to?

I have no true idea.

Do I have plans?

Even if I do have certain plans...I am not attached to them...because I know that in the blink of an eye, God could change it all...He could open new doors, He could place me in different places, doing different things...in the blink of an eye, I could be doing everything I love for God alone...so instead of focusing on what is coming, I look to today and focus only on today. Knowing that tomorrow will bring its own joys and worries...for today...I only know that I am joyous, I am growing, and I am ready for what tomorrow will bring be what it may be.

We cannot live this life as if it ours...we must live it to the fullest, each day, representing God fully, and sharing His love and joy with all the world!

Worthy Sacrifice

1 Chronicles 21:24

But the king replied to Araunah, “No, I insist on paying what it is worth. I cannot take what is yours and give it to the Lord. I will not offer a burnt offering that has cost me nothing!”

I am so blown away by this verse…wow!

Have you even read over something, and then re-read it, and re-read it…but then suddenly when you read it again at a different point in your life the significance of it just seems to jump out at you?

This is how I feel sometimes, and reading this verse definitely just shook my mind a little. Let’s back track for a minute here…so we are talking about that story of David’s sin against God of taking a census of Israel. God was quite upset at David for having gone against His will…and so God gave David three choices to choose from as a punishment. Wisely enough, out of the three choices, which were to either suffer 3 years of famine in the land, 3 months of destruction by his enemies, or 3 days of plague over the land, David said “…let me fall into the hands of the Lord, for his mercy is very great. Do not let me fall into human hands” (verse 13 of the same chapter). This is so true! I would much rather fall into the wrath of God than the wrath of man because after all God’s love for us is greater than anything, and His mercy is abounding…so David made a wise choice in deciding to take God’s natural wrath…but even through this choice…70,000 people died as a result of David’s sin…man…imagine having that on your conscience. Not only was there this massive plague though, then God continues on to destroy Jerusalem…the sacred, much loved Jerusalem…yet just as David had said…God’s mercy is very great…and so He called off the angel of death to put away his sword and not destroy Jerusalem…at the sight of this…David does what he knows best to do…he shows his utter repentance by falling on his face with the rest of Israel’s leaders to show God how terrible he felt about sinning against Him. This guy had such a tender heart. I mean…even though he out-right sinned against God, he quickly realized his sin and ran right back to God. And God, in His infinite mercy, gladly accepted David’s repentance, enough that He allowed David to offer up a sacrifice. And here is where we get to the verse above…you see God had stopped the angel right at the threshing floor of Araunah. Araunah was threshing wheat as this all happened…can you imagine??!! You’re just completing your chore of the day…gathering up your harvest…getting ready to relax afterwards...when suddenly, you look up and there is the angel of death about to kill everything in sight, hand on sword…waiting on one command…but the bible says that “…just as the angel was preparing to destroy it, the Lord relented and said to the death angel, ‘Stop! That is enough!’” (verse 15) Wow…I don’t know what I would have done at the sight of all of this before me…nonetheless, God had mercy and David knew it…so David tells Araunah to sell him the threshing floor in order to build an altar to the Lord there. But Araunah is so humbled by this all that he tells David to just take it all, that he’ll even provide the oxen for the sacrifice and the grain offering, the tools, the wood, anything needed. Then David replies to him with those amazing words “No, I insist on paying what it is worth. I cannot take what is yours and give it to the Lord. I will not offer a burnt offering that has cost me nothing!”

I just can’t get over how impressive those words are! I mean do you realize what this means for us??

Here is David…this great, amazing, warrior, king guy and he speaks these wise words that honestly we need to apply to our everyday lives. “I cannot take what is yours and give it to the Lord.” Do you know that there are sometimes people who all they do is take, take, take. They offer things to God, but they’ve never actually paid a price for such. I feel this is a disturbing fact within God’s people nowadays…we have people left and right who say they love God with all their hearts and serve Him and are thankful for all He has done for them…yet what have they ever offered God back that did not cost them blood and sweat…that did not cost them a great price…?? People come and go to church as if it is something they are giving back to God…when church time was not intended as a time for us to simply set aside for God. No…church time is not God time…because God time is something you should live and breathe. It is when you wake up in the morning to either the sun shining brightly as well as when the deep chill from the cold hits you…it’s when you get up, get ready, get in your car, leave to your job or school…it’s when you sit at your desk, chair, lawn, or anyplace you are at as the day goes by…it’s when you come home and rest, sit down and eat, prepare to sleep, and finally shut eyes at the end of another day. All of that…is God time. He is…He was…and He will always be…Church time is simply a time when we can all come together and worship as one body in Christ. It is a time when we can come and delight with those who rejoice, feel for those who are in sorrow, pray with those who are in need, give thanks with those who are blessed. Church time is a time when we come to offer God a sacrifice of praise and adoration as a unified family. Yet, even so, people come to church as if it is a high cost to them. They think this is their gift to God, their share of time that they are giving up to and for God. “I will not offer a burnt offering that has cost me nothing!” How can we want so much from God…His protection, His provision, His mercy, compassion, comfort, happiness, joy, redemption, salvation, His love…yet not be willing to offer a sacrifice back that He is worthy of…one that we actually paid a price for….We should be ashamed of ourselves for being so self-centered and selfish…ashamed that we cannot offer God even a moment of our time as a true sacrifice…one that we know has cost us, one that we know we have paid a price for. Now I am not saying to go out and spend a ton on God, to go out and buy things for the church…those things are fine and dandy…but what God wants is for us to offer Him something that we consider worthy. When you are giving to a loved one…do you give them the cheapest, most grimy, raggedy, torn up, beat up, nasty looking gift…or do you take the time to pick and choose, examine, make sure of the right fit, color, and craft of the gift…don’t lie to yourself…you know you want to give that loved one the best…something that is going to leave them impressed and feeling special…well the same goes for God!!! Our offering to Him should take us time, should make us give up something, should cost us more than the average, because after all, we want to impress Him. Yea, you might say, but how can I possibly impress GOD…what could I ever give Him that would leave Him speechless…believe me…your obedience, your effort to know Him more, your desire to seek Him, your dedication to serve Him, your intention to live for Him, and your strive to be like Him…these are all things that cost us to do…because we have to sacrifice so much to do them…but every good gift takes some sort of sacrifice. It is time that we stop thinking to ourselves that us giving up one day of our busy week is enough sacrifice for God…it is time to stand up and say “I will not offer a burnt offering that has cost me nothing!” What will you offer Him?