Trusting in the middle of the storm

I know it's been a long, long time, but to be honest, writing is like a tool that helps me reflect, and push through my own circumstances. The beautiful thing about sharing what's on your heart, is that what you share could resonate with someone else who is in the same circumstance, and you never know what it can end up doing for them...could be wonderful! Last time I posted was in 2016, and boy have I been through a few things since then. Last November, I went through one of the most trying times of my life. Little did I know that it was only the beginning of a huge storm that was headed my way. It must have been late October when I received word that my Mom's cancer had gotten worst. It had metastasized to the liver, bones, and skin, and doctors no longer felt they were able to provide any medical treatment that could help keep the cancer from spreading. They gave my mom 3 months to live at most. To hear this news as I was 3000 miles away from my mom, her voice trying to be stable as she spoke to me, but shaken with fear and sadness; I knew this was serious, and I knew there was nothing I could do. A few weeks later, we were able to go visit my mom in early November. We came out and after a few days of being by her side, her body went into some kind of heist. We had to take her to the ER because she was having extreme pain, was having difficulty walking, was extremely swollen, and couldn't seem to hold her food or water down. It was the worst condition I had ever seen my mom in at that point, and I couldn't bear it. While we were at the ER, as the hours passed by waiting for a room to put her in, her body seemed to be deteriorating before our eyes. They tried to draw some blood, and I kid you not, what came out was something that looked like a mixture of pink liquid and white foam. The nurses had never seen anything like it. Needless to say, everyone was freaked out except my mom. I was amazed that in the midst of her pain, in the midst of the chaos, the tiredness, the lack of nourishment, and the weird things that were happening, she seemed at peace. Over the next two days, I saw my mom deteriorate more and more. Several doctors came by to see her, when we finally got the words we didn't want to hear. "We are so sorry, but we think this might be it. She's dying. The cancer is eating away at her." I held back the tears, and just listened. I held my mom's hand and just stood still. We would take turns watching over her with my dad and my husband and I. One day, we had served the day shift watching over her. My Dad came to take over and we were headed home to get some rest. My husband wanted to go for a walk at the nearby park. I was exhausted. The last thing I wanted to do was take a walk. But he insisted, so I gave in. As we walked around the lonely park, all I could do was pray out loud. I prayed and battled, prayed and battled, it was as if I was face to face with the devil himself telling him he needed to leave my mom alone. As we crossed over a little bridge, we saw a man walking towards us. He was an older gentleman, looked like he was just out for a stroll. As we were about to pass him, he said hello to us and then looked right at us and said, "Hey there, do you happen to know Jesus?" "As a matter of fact, we do." He went on to tell us that God had told him to go to the park that morning to find some people who knew him. We were the only people he found, haha. So he asked us how we were doing, we told him about what we were going through with my mom, so we stopped right there in the middle of the park, grabbed hands, and prayed together. We prayed that God's will would be done, no matter the outcome, that we would trust him. I knew this was God's way to let us know, I'm with you. That night, we got home and tried to sleep, but I couldn't sleep. I woke up in an anxiety panic. I couldn't breathe, I was crying hysterically, and just began to cry out to God. I was crying out with everything I had in me for God to please not take my mom, that I couldn't bear this at this moment, and that I knew He could save her. I would move from one area of the room to another, from the bedroom to the living room, from one couch to the other, just praying, singing, praying, crying, praying...at one point I just remember saying to God, "Lord, you have an army of believers around the world, would you rise up that army to pray for my Mom, to believe with me for this miracle?" Then, just like that, about 15 minutes after that, I fell asleep like a baby. Around 3 AM, we got up, got ready to go back to the hospital and went on our way. They had moved my mom into a room within the hospital no longer in the ER. I went in as my Dad went home and my husband stayed in the hallway outside the room. I slept on a little cot right next to my mom's bed. She seemed to be sound asleep, which was great, because she hadn't been able to do much of that the past few nights. Around 7 AM, I heard my mom call my name. I turned towards her and said, "Yes, mom, it's me." She was so happy to see me. I asked if she needed anything and she let me know a miracle had happened the night before. She went on to tell me that around 8 PM the night before, they had received a call from a pastor they didn't know in Guatemala, calling to pray for them through a cousin of ours who knew him. He apparently prayed while my Dad was in the ER waiting room and told my Dad to go and lay hands on her and that when he got to her, that she would be doing things she hadn't been able to do. When my Dad hung up, went over to her ER room, he opened the curtain to find my mom, who mind you, had no longer been able to move, walk, eat, sleep, or talk, with her hands raised in the air, waiving them around, and praising God. My Dad was moved to tears at the sight. He told her what had just happened, and she went on to tell him to go ahead and finish it then, to lay hands on her and pray for her; so he did. In a couple of hours they came and moved her into a regular hospital room, where she now was. As I stood there in awe at what I had just heard, she lifted the blanket off her body on her own to show me she was no longer swollen, and could move around perfectly fine! It truly was a miracle! I was so thankful to God. My Mom and I shared all about what God had been speaking to us and just praised God for His goodness. The next day my Mom was released from the hospital. Over the next several days, she just got better and better. She was sustaining her food and water, she was walking around on her own, and doing things like combing her hair, taking a bath, and fixing her bed (of course we would offer, but no, she wanted to do it). It was like she had come back to life. At this point, we had all decided what was for the best, we had come too near to death to take time for granted, so my parents sold their home in California, all their belongings, and moved to North Carolina to live with my husband and I. From Nov through early March, there were minor things that were bothering my Mom, but she was just so happy to be with us. It was such a pleasure to be able to come home everyday and see her, talk with her in person, hug her, hold her, pray with her. We would sit there like two little girls and just chat it up. Then came mid March. The swelling had come back. The vomiting had come back. The pain was increasing. She couldn't hold her food or water again. What was going on? The doctors couldn't explain it. As soon as they heard "cancer patient" everything was about the cancer. There is nothing we can do, she is dying, she is deteriorating, she won't last long. We did all we knew how to do; we prayed. That whole month, we prayed and prayed for another miracle. But this time, the miracle was different. On April 9 around 11:40 pm, my Mom took her last breath as my Dad sat next to her and told her it was ok to let go if she couldn't hold on anymore. I believed that God could raise her from the dead if it was His will, but overall, we wanted His will and not ours. After all, He knows best. The peace I experienced through this circumstance was the very kind the Bible tells us about; a peace that surpasses all understanding. I can't explain it, I have no logical reasoning for how it works, all I know is that I couldn't shake it. I was at such a peace knowing that God was in control. Many times, we are in the middle of a storm, a battle, and all we can see are the wind and waves. We look to our left, we look to our right, and we get overwhelmed at the fact that we are not in control. We fight back, scream, kick, throw up our fists, get frustrated, and worried, instead of fixing our eyes on the one who can calm the wind and waves. The storm comes. It is inevitable to stop nature from taking it's course. But when it comes, the point of God allowing us to go through the storm is so that we can learn how to turn to Him and trust that He is going to navigate us to safety. It's not an easy thing to trust Him when it seems like the waves are crashing in. It's not easy to look at the giant storm and let doubt seep in believing all hope is lost. But it is exactly in the storm that IF we can learn to fix our eyes on Jesus, He will speak to our storm and it will subside at the sound of His voice. It's true that we have the same power to speak to the storm, but we cannot forget that that power does not come from our own, it comes from God who dwells within us. When we let the Holy Spirit take control, the words that come out of our mouths are the very words of Jesus, because it is through the power of the Holy Spirit in us, that we are speaking. What I'm saying is that when we speak, being led by the Spirit, in the leading of the Spirit, it's as if Jesus himself is speaking through us, and at the sound of His voice, the storm will subside. Trust me, if there is anyone that knows this is easier said than done, I know. Like I stated above, the storm I went through in Nov 2016 was only the beginning. The storm we endured in April, was another part, but I'm still in a storm to this day. There is so much chaos happening all around me. The enemy is upset. He wants to overthrow my family, bring division, cause death, but in the middle of this storm, I remember how God got me through the other sets of hurricanes that I've just gone through and survived, and I remember that as long as my eyes are fixed on the one whom the winds and waves obey, I have nothing to fear. His love overcomes all fear. His love tears apart the lies and deceit. His loves makes a way where there seems to be none. His love brings rest and peace. His love devours the darkness. His love defeats all evil that comes against us. My challenge to you is to trust. Trust that God will see you through your storm. Trust that He is in control. Trust that the chaos that is in front of you is only for a moment, but His joy comes in the morning. Trust that He can speak to that storm and will, if you let Him. Let Him.